Friday, September 5, 2014

i sorta ran into trouble

I haven't posted on here for over 5 months. There are a few reasons for that.

One was that there just hasn't been much to say. At least not anything positive in regards to my weight and my attempt at maintenance.

The other is that I was trying to take a different approach to my body image so that I would be a better example to my young daughters. I wanted to take off the pressure of what I looked like size-wise and rather focus on just making good decisions for myself. I blogged about that back in June on my Lifesong blog.

So in order to shift my focus, I decided to try to ignore the scale. For real. I stepped on it only a handful of times all summer long. Which is really quite incredible when you compare it to stepping on it a handful of times every day which had been the norm for me for the last few years.

The first couple of weeks after giving up the scale, I felt a real sense of freedom. I felt much more relaxed and content with myself.

But after that...I sorta ran into trouble.

See, the problem was that I was putting too much focus on not stepping on the scale, and not enough focus on still making the healthy choices. It's all a part of the equation, not just the scale. Rather than try to get the message across of "don't worry about the scale as long as you're being healthy", it turned into "don't worry about the scale AND do whatever the heck you want."

That translated into a summer of much over-eating as well as a summer with really sparse work-outs. I'm kicking myself now that I wasted so much of my optimum outside running time by ignoring the calls to get out there and hit the pavement. Sure, there were other contributing factors to that - a long rainy stretch, an extremely busy summer schedule, and many stresses in my life that caused me to hide away at home...and drown my stresses in food.

Ah yes...the emotional emotional. That can do severe damage. And it most certainly has. That 12-15 pounds that I needed to lose at the beginning of the year has now turned into almost 20.

Twenty pounds!!!

Uhhh, that's a lot of weight again.

It seems almost insurmountable. It feels just as heavy of a burden as it did when I weighed 211 and needed to lose 70 pounds. And if I'm being honest, sometimes when I look in the mirror, I think that I look the way I did at 211 pounds too. I know that I actually don't, but the mind plays tricks on you.

I don't have a grand plan of how to shed this unwanted weight again, other than going back to the basics of how I lost it all to begin with. You've heard me say it a thousand times...everything in moderation.

But can I actually stick to it this time? How many times do I have to fail before I get it right again?

Hopefully this will be the last time.

And this time when I say "everything" in moderation...that includes the scale too!

And today it started with a revised & shortened Jillian Michael's work-out video. And if it works out, maybe a bit of a run this evening too.

I don't know how often I'll post - or if I'll even post my weight numbers at all - but it's desperately time that I get back into some sort of groove before these 20 pounds turn into 30 and then 40...and then before long, I'll be right back where I started.

And I refuse to be "one of those".

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