slow & steady

I've gotta say -- I'm surprised that the scale is going down, even if it's very slowly, over these last couple of weeks. I am down another 0.4 pounds this week. This after indulging in Pepsi every single day this week, and hardly excercising, and starting to enjoy the Christmas festivities in fuller force.

Although, I do have to say that I have been very conscious still of my food choices. My portions are still controlled, and my snacking -- although more than regular -- is still not nearly out of hand. I am managing to enjoy the treats that come with Christmas, while still practicing the art of moderation.

Not bad, if I do say so myself!

My goal was to maintain over Christmas. I have one week and one day left until my last Christmas festivity, and I think -- no, I know -- I am going to do it!

(And a side bonus: Every year for Christmas, Les and the girls get me a new pair of pajamas. They have always been Extra-Large...but this year? A medium, thank you very much!)

confessions of a scale-aholic

Some of you have been wondering exactly why I am quitting the Biggest Loser competition -- both as co-ordinator and as a participant -- especially since it has been so successful for me. This post is to tell you why.


In a nutshell: I was becoming too obsessive about it all. And that is not the message I want to portray to my daughters. To be healthy? Yes. To be obsessive about it? No way.


I was to the point where I was weighing myself five times a day -- no joke! Of course I would weigh myself first thing in the morning -- and then every other time I was sans clothing throughout the day. Right before my work-out and right after my work-out during the changing process. Then when I was putting the kids to bed, I'd weigh myself again before changing into my comfy evening wear. And then of course again right before bed.


I was also to the point where I just *had* to beat certain people, and if I didn't, then I would feel like a failure. I even sometimes hoped others would have an 'off' week -- not that I wanted them to gain a lot of weight or anything...just that they wouldn't lose quite as much as me. Either in pounds or percentage, it didn't matter. I just wanted to be #1. I wasn't, of course (although 5th overall in a group of 27 women isn't too shabby, I must say), but oh how I wanted to be.


If I didn't do as well as I had hoped or expected in a given week, I would get really down on myself. Sometimes even a 1 pound loss in a week would be a disappointment. I allowed the scale to determine and control my mood -- and sometimes that mood (especially the negative mood) would last a couple of days and would affect my whole family.


I had a few friends give me comments which really helped snap me out of it and made me realize just how obsessive about it all I was getting. One of them (a comment on one of my previous blog posts) was a gentle reminder that "the scale is not your true measure of success." (Thanks Jody!)

And then my friend Pam sent me a Bible verse which has really struck a chord with me. It reads:

1 Timothy 4:8 For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

So yes, while we are encouraged to take good care of our bodies with physical training -- what is more important? What is going to last forever, into eternity? Our bodies will eventually get old and die, but our souls will live on forever. It was a much needed reminder that the more important thing to focus on is my spiritual health.

So I am going to take this next season to do things differently. I still plan on losing BIG all on my own -- but in a more relaxed, non-competitive way. While the competition played a huge factor in my success (and don't get me wrong, it was also a very positive experience for me), I think I am ready to do this on my own for awhile. I fully believe that over the past 6 months I have developed enough positive habits that I can carry on and continue to lose weight.

I also set up a 3 month post weigh-in for my Round II participants. Some of them are carrying on with Round III, but we are all still weighing in as our Round II teams on March 12th. I asked everybody to post on our private blog their March 12th goals -- and so far, over half the women have done this. Then when we reach that date, we can all re-post and see if we have reached the goals we set for ourselves.

My personal goal for then is to lose another 10 pounds. I know that's a lot less than the other 2 sets of 3 month intervals -- but I wanted to be realistic. Of course I won't complain if I surpass that goal, but as it stands right now, that is my goal for the next 3 months. Along with that goal, I also plan on regularly watching the next Biggest Loser season on TV that begins in January. I have never been a faithful watcher of that show, but I think this season I will and I will use it as extra motivation for myself.

So there you have it. No more being obsessed about my weight and the scale. I will still be dedicated, I can promise you that. But I will not allow it to completely control my moods anymore, and I will not allow my girls to see their mother being obsessed about her weight.

As for this week -- even after allowing myself to slack off and enjoy not having to try so hard, I managed to lose 0.6 pounds. Nothing spectacular -- but I was just happy I didn't gain. :)

my weight loss journey: before & after

Well...I managed to fight my way to the finish even after having a really rough start to the final week of Biggest Loser. I added another 2 pounds to my total loss. 25 weeks and 42.2 pounds later...here are my Before & After pictures:

The picture on the left was taken at my ultimate heaviest EVER, just 2 weeks before the Biggest Loser competiton began. Picture on the right is from last night.

Left: Taken at the beginning of Round II (mid-September, after having lost 24 pounds)

Right: Taken last night

Left: Taken end of August

Right: Taken last night

Left: Taken end of August

Right: Taken last night

Left: Taken end of August

Right: Taken last night

At the beginning of summer, these pants were snug as can be on me. Now look at them!

My new and very improved body from 3 different angles!

What a difference 42.2 pounds can make!

You know...I used to be that person who got extremely envious whenever someone got amazing weight loss results. I would always email them wanting to know their secret -- you know, secretly hoping it was something as simple as sleeping a certain way. Okay, obviously I knew it wasn't *that* easy. But I was always hoping for some sort of magical quick-fix.

Of course it doesn't work that way. It involves a lot of hard work and DAILY decisions that you are going to make positive lifestyle changes. Someone once asked me if I ever felt like just NOT doing it. My response: "Every day!" Not a day goes by where part of me wishes I could just go back to the way things used to be...eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But the feeling I get when I step on the scale every week and see the numbers consistently go down is worth all of the hard work and sacrifices I have had to make.

Now that Biggest Loser has officially ended (for me anyway -- there are people heading up a Round III), I wonder how the journey will continue for me. I still want to lose another 20 pounds or so and I wonder if it will be a lot harder without the weekly accountability to my Biggest Loser team. But thankfully I have enough wonderful supportive friends who want to share accountability together with me. So I think I'm covered! :)

Thanks to all of you who have cheered me on throughout this journey. I never thought I would actually accomplish all of this -- but I did it! And I've got the pictures to prove it!

a week of thursdays

I think I've mentioned this before, but throughout this whole Biggest Loser challenge, Thursdays have been my most difficult day. I would've thought it would be one of the easiest days...just hang on one more day. One more day and then I can let loose a bit. But I think the whole "you want what you can't have" thing just intensified for me on that day. Big time. Every week.

I usually managed to fight off that intensified feeling and have a successful weigh-in (in fact, just as a refresher -- only 3 weeks out of the past 24 have I not been able to report a loss). But this week -- the final week of Biggest Loser (for me, anyway) -- is proving to be like a Thursday. Every day.

The thing that's so frustrating is that I have been successfully fighting off that intensified feeling again. Day after day. Yet somehow I am struggling to work off the normal weekend gain. Actually, this week it's more than a normal weekend gain and I'm just not sure why. I even excercised both Saturday & Sunday this weekend, which almost never happens. I had one bad meal on the weekend -- Saturday -- where I had chicken fingers, fries & Pepsi at a family gathering for lunch. But that's not unusual; I often have one -- or even two -- meals on the weekend where I just let myself enjoy whatever I want. So I'm just not sure why this extra weight is clinging to me.

Part of me is wishing that I hadn't had such a giant loss last week. Usually when I have a really good week, I follow it up with a week or two of really small gains. But this time I had back-to-back awesome weigh-ins (2.2 pounds followed by the 3 pounds) and I thought that maybe my body just had a break through. Not that I was expecting for another 2 pound loss to happen this week -- at least not without a lot of work -- but I certainly in no way anticipated a week like this.

I am struggling to break free of a 2.6 pound weekend gain. As of this morning, it was down to a 1.4 pound gain but I'm running out of time. And while I'm still confident that I will be my team's Biggest Loser -- and while I'm very proud of losing 40 pounds thus far -- I don't want to end off the competition like this. Especially since it doesn't even make sense. If I were just making poor decisions and thinking that I've done enough so why not start slacking off -- well, then I'd deserve it. But seriously! This is just. not. cool.

Last night before bed I had a bit of a melt down. I had done really well with eating all day while I was at work -- my regular piece of toast with cheese whiz, then I snacked on a granola bar, had a 6" healthy sub for lunch and then chicken caesar salad with garlic toast at my Mom's for supper. We ate before 6:00 and I ate nothing else the rest of the evening. I even jogged on the spot hard-core for half an hour in the evening. Yet my evening weigh-in was very discouraging. I know, I know...I shouldn't weigh myself so often. But it's an addiction! And it's a good way to keep myself on track throughout the week and to know when I really need to crack down and when I can allow myself just the teeniest bit of leeway.

This week there has been no room for leeway. I know it's only Tuesday (aka "the 5th Thursday"), but there is minimal room for improvement left. Two more days. And all I can say is...

I'm hungry!

i'm doing a happy dance!

Just 2 weeks ago, I was able to post that I had reached my 35 pound milestone...and today I am even more pumped to be able to say that I have lost FORTY POUNDS!! (40.2 to be exact)

What a huge number! And honestly, I never thought I would be seeing these numbers on the scale ever again. I thought I might be able to lose 15-20 pounds -- over the course of many, many months. But to hit 40 pounds in less than 6 months? It just about blows my dancing socks off!

Now my Round II goal of losing 17.2 pounds is only 1 pound away! And if I beat that by only 0.2 pounds, I will be in yet another new middle digit -- the same middle digit that I was in when I got married 8 years ago!! The middle digit that I had all but given up on ever seeing again.

i have a bone to pick...

...with the whole BMI (Body Mass Index) thing. Go ahead...click right here and determine -- by simply submitting your height and weight -- whether you are underweight, just right, overweight, or...obese. I'm curious to see how many of you are surprised at what you find out.

When I did this right at the start of The Biggest Loser, I was none too thrilled to have the computer screen stare back at me with the word "OBESE." I mean, come on! Even before I lost these 37.2 pounds I was NOT obese. Overweight? Most definitely. But obese? Uh...I beg to differ, Mr. BMI.

I did this again just this afternoon, curious as to how it would register now that I have lost all of this weight. It turns out that after my latest Friday weigh-in, I just squeaked under the obese category. Yup, now I am just overweight.

This does not sit well with me at all. I mean, I get that we need to have some sort of a guide for knowing when we are considered in a healthy weight range and all. But seriously -- not all people who are 5'4" are supposed to weigh the same. We all have different bone & body structures, and a healthy weight for one person of the same height is not necessarily a healthy weight for another.

It's a good thing I don't put much stock in this whole BMI method. Otherwise I would've been pretty depressed early this summer when I discovered I was technically considered obese. To be honest, of course it hurt a little bit that I was at all associated with that word. But I was not going to let that get me down. And honestly? I may never get to what is "supposed" to be my healthy weight. And I'm okay with that.

But I think this whole BMI measurement thing is a little dangerous. Suppose a teenage girl tries it. Let's say, for arguments sake, she is 5'6" and whatever weight and she sees that she is considered obese. This can go one of two ways. She can either say "Uh-uh. I'm not going through life being obese. No way!" and then proceed to starve herself until she is an unhealthy toothpick. Or she can say "Screw it! I'm obese, there's no way I'll ever lose all of this weight. I might as well just keep going." and then proceed to eat herself into REAL obesity. Of course I suppose there could be a 3rd alternative, where she uses this information to motivate herself to get within her healthy range. But I'd place a pretty hefty bet that with a teenage girl it would likely go one of the first two ways.

What's my point? I just know that I'm not going to let this whole BMI thing control my weight loss. I want to get down to a weight that I feel good in. And if that ends up being 140 (like it's 'supposed' to be), than that's great. And if that ends up being 160, than so be it. I don't need a specific number telling me that I look the way I'm 'supposed' to.

I have family and friends who don't love me any more or any less whether I am 'obese' or just 'overweight' or whether I will ever be 'just right.' And more importantly, I have a husband who finds me beautiful and sexy (and tells me so EVERY SINGLE DAY) no matter what. Yes, I want to be healthy -- for myself and for my family. But I do not want to obsess about getting down to a certain number just because "they" tell me so. That's not the message I want to send out to my girls. My goal is to be healthy. My goal is to be confident. And I am well on my way, regardless of the fact that I was technically considered 'obese' just 2 short weeks ago.

So take that, BMI!!

dare to compare

One of the problems with my weight-loss competition is my constant need to compare myself with others; especially those who I have been neck-and-neck with over the course of said competition.

One of my co-competitors hit the 35 pound mark 2 weeks before I did (coincidentally, the very week that I was planning on reaching that particular milestone), and I was quite disappointed. I wanted to be the first one to reach that huge accomplishment.

I also have an unnecessary desire to find out what size people are now wearing. Are they in a lower size than me? They look like they should be around the same size as I am -- but what if they are actually smaller? I want to reach the single digits in pant size before so-and-so.

Or when I wonder about the actual weight of some of the ladies I am competing with and against. The weights are all confidential (only team leaders know the individual weights of the members) so I'm always left wondering how many pounds ahead -- or behind -- of people I am.

And I don't think that's the right focus.

Yes, this is a competition, so everybody's goal is ultimately to 'beat' everybody else. But I'm taking it above and beyond that yet. For example, the friend who reached 35 pounds before I did -- I'm not even in direct competition with her. Her team is neck-and-neck for the #1 spot, whereas my team doesn't really have a chance of winning. And it's not like her and I are competing for the individual team's biggest loser (since we're not on the same team). Yet I still want to be #1. Not that I will be even close to the #1 Biggest Loser of this round, since a handful of first-timers are kicking some major butt (including my sister-in-law!). But overall -- I want to be able to say that I have lost the most weight; hopefully 40+ pounds by the end of these next two weeks.

But I need to re-evaluate my way of thinking and stop comparing myself to everybody else. Sure, someone who started off around the same weight as me might reach a size 9 first. But does that mean that I have been any less productive and successful? No way! And if somebody else gets to that 40 pound mark a week or so before me -- does that make me a failure? Nope! And if others reach my "I wish!" goal before I do...should that matter? Not really.

I want to look at my own personal progress. I want to remember that I have lost 37.2 pounds in 23 weeks. I want to remind myself that when this competition started on June 19th, I was busting out of size 16 pants -- and now I am comfortably fitting into size 12's (with some of them even being too big on me). Why do I care if somebody else is wearing size 10's already? Or if they have lost 39 pounds instead of 37.2? Does that really affect my own personal journey? It might give me extra motivation, which is always good, but I need to stop letting it get me down.

I need to be proud of what I have accomplished and leave it at that. And I'm going to keep telling myself that until I believe it!